Learning to Let Go: What Forgiveness Is Teaching Me (Even When It Still Hurts)

marquita allen
Dec 1, 2025
5 min read

Updated: Dec 2, 2025

Struggling to forgive? Yeah… me too. You’re definitely not alone in that. Lately, God’s been walking me through what it really means to let go and how to release resentment, stop replaying what happened, and finally find freedom… even when reconciliation isn’t possible or healthy.

The other morning, I was out on my walk—just me, God, and the quiet, and it hit me: I don’t want to carry this anymore. The anger. The disappointment. The hurt. After everything that's happened this year, and after walking through some major heartache, I’m realizing how much weight bitterness actually adds to your soul.

And honestly? I’m still in it. Forgiveness hasn’t been a one-and-done decision. Some days I feel light and at peace. Other days, those old feelings come back like uninvited guests. But here’s what I’m learning in real time about what it means to truly forgive and how God keeps meeting me in the middle of the mess.

Why We Hold On

When someone hurts us, it’s easy to think holding on to the pain protects us. I’ve caught myself believing things like:

If I hold on, no one can hurt me like this again.
If I keep replaying it, they won’t “get away” with it.
If I let go, it means I have to be close to them again.
If I forgive, they win.

But I’m learning that none of that is true. The only thing unforgiveness does is weigh us down.

What It Feels Like to Hold On

Sometimes it feels like I’m carrying bricks. At first, they’re heavy—but after a while, I just get used to the weight. It’s wild how bitterness can start to feel normal… until I realize how much it’s slowing me down from walking fully in what God has for me.

I picture myself dragging around the things people said, the ways they left, the moments that still sting even though years have passed. And in those quiet moments, I know God is saying “cast your cares unto me” 1 Peter 5:7 - Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

What I’m Practicing (Not Perfectly)

Here are 5 things I’ve been trying as I walk this out:

1. Asking God to search my heart.

My prayer lately has been simple: “Lord, I want to be free. Show me what’s still weighing me down.” Sometimes He brings up things I thought I’d already let go of but He’s gentle about it. He reveals to heal.

Psalms 139:23- Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

2. Confessing quickly.

When those feelings resurface (and they do), I try not to let them sit. I’ll tell God, “This hurt is back. I don’t like it. Help me.” The honesty with God has been freeing.

Praying for the person who hurt me.

This one’s tough. At first, my prayers sounded like, “Lord, bless them… but not too much.” Now, I’m learning to pray real blessings over them -peace, provision, favor.

It’s not easy, but every time I do, my heart loosens its grip just a little more.

I remember hearing Joyce Meyer say that "when we can genuinely pray for those who hurt us, it’s a sign we’re maturing spiritually." That hit me.

Because forgiveness isn’t just about letting go of the past it's about maturing and being more like Christ and somehow allowing this to make us better.

4. Allowing for the impact.

I live in Florida, and after hurricanes, even when the storm passes, cleanup still takes time. Forgiveness is like that.

Just because I choose to forgive doesn’t mean the impact disappears overnight. Healing is a process and that’s okay.

I love how Lysa Terkeurst talks about this idea of impact—how sometimes we think we haven’t forgiven someone, but really, we have… we’re just still dealing with the effects of what happened. That truth gave me so much peace. It reminded me that healing and forgiveness often move at different speeds.

5. Setting boundaries.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean I have to step back into the same situation. I can release the weight without reopening the wound. Boundaries protect peace and peace is worth protecting.

And sometimes, we do re-enter those relationships, but they look different. We’ve grown. We’ve matured. We understand the importance of honesty, communication, and guarding what God has restored in us. It’s not about pretending everything’s fine it’s about walking in peace and wisdom this time around.

How I Know I’m Growing

I still feel the sting sometimes. I still get triggered. But now I run to God faster. I pray quicker. And the relief comes sooner.

I’m also starting to notice little reminders that God’s got me! Open doors I didn’t see coming, prayers quietly answered, peace I never thought I’d get back. Not because I’ve figured forgiveness out, but because He’s faithful even while I’m still learning how to let go.

And this journey has also made me reflect more on something important: as much as I don’t want to forgive someone, I’ve had to remember the times I’ve been the one who hurt someone maybe with my words or actions and I needed their forgiveness.

That’s the thing about forgiveness: the grace works both ways. If God forgives us, loves us, and restores us even when we mess up, then we’re called to extend that same grace to others who may have hurt us.

Remembering that has helped me lean into forgiveness, not as a burden (even tho it feels that way) but as an opportunity to walk closer with Him. But honestly, that revelation came later in the journey.

Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:13 nlt

What Forgiveness doesn't mean

It doesn’t mean I forget.

But I can choose to stop replaying the pain. Over time, I can let God replace those heavy memories with new ones and give me moments of peace, gratitude, and growth.

It doesn’t mean the hurt didn’t matter.

It mattered. It changed things. But forgiveness is my way of saying, “The pain doesn’t get to define me anymore.”

It doesn’t mean I have to reconcile.

Some relationships don’t go back to what they were and that’s okay. Forgiveness can happen with or without restoration. But let the Lord determine that not your hurt feelings.

It doesn’t mean the other person “won.”

Choosing peace isn’t weakness. It’s strength. It’s me refusing to let bitterness have the final say in my life.

Forgiveness just means I refuse to let their actions keep controlling me.

The Prayer That’s Been Carrying Me

When it gets heavy, I pray something like this:

“Lord, I don’t want to keep carrying this. Help me to forgive. Search my heart and make me free. I release [name] to You. Bless them and heal me. Amen.”

If You’re Walking Through It Too

I’m not on the other side of this yet, but I’m learning that freedom doesn’t come all at once but step by step. And each time I drop a brick, I feel lighter.

If you’re carrying something too, maybe today is the day you hand one brick over to God. Not all of them. Just one. He’ll meet you in the process.