To my brothers and sisters in Christ who may be walking through disappointment, discontentment, or heartbreak, I pray we can continue to encourage one another.
I have experienced heartbreak. When it happened, I couldn’t fully explain the aching. It was like a deep pain in my heart—an unfulfilled longing and yearning. I finally understood why a breakup can result in feeling heartbroken. It felt as though the place in my heart where I loved had been broken.
Overcoming this took a long time—maybe over a year. But an anchoring verse for me was found in the Bible, in Isaiah 43:18-19:
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
Looking back, I am very grateful I had given my life to the Lord before the breakup because I needed Jesus.
I needed a true friend to turn to so I could process what had happened. In addition, I needed my family’s care and love to wash over me. I have realized with dating and with any serious relationship, it is really necessary to have a strong support system. I ran to Jesus, alongside my roommate, parents, family, and friends, walked with me as I walked in my disappointment, anger, and frustration over the breakup.
You see, I thought I had found my life companion and friend. Reflecting on it now, I see in my heart, the person I had been with became the most important relationship to me. Truthfully, God—who knows all of our hearts—knew that in my heart, I loved the man I was with, but I also idolized him and our relationship, and I had also formed a deep and quick attachment towards him.
The person I had been with became first in my heart. Rather than letting God slowly build a good foundation, I look back and see that we rushed it. We loved each other quickly and passionately.
And truthfully, I have had that tendency to rush things because, deep down, I have been waiting for God to bring me the right person after coming out of many failed relationships.
This response to “finding the right person” was because I still believed that finding the right person would fill my own loneliness.
God called us to end the relationship. And for me, walking away from an intimate relationship helped me see how much I idolized him and marriage. In that season, I look back and see the lessons God has taught me and where I still need to mature in self-control, patience, and trust in His timing.
When processing the breakup, a roommate of mine shared a beautiful image of what it means to be in a relationship, especially within marriage. They described it as sharing a boat with someone, navigating life’s ride together. I felt the weight of my loneliness, imagining myself all alone in my boat. I desperately wanted to share that boat with someone—to find my best friend in life and journey together.
My roommate reminded me, though, that even if no one was in my boat, many other boats surrounded me.
Another verse that comforted me was Psalm 147:3:
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Every time a memory rushed back or my heart ached, I reminded God of His promise: “You have promised to heal the brokenhearted.”
I asked Jesus many times to take away my feelings for my ex. For a long time, He didn’t do that. Jesus transformed and deepened my longing for companionship with Him, and I grew to find acceptance, peace, and hope again in God’s good plans for me and His purpose in every season.
It wasn’t wrong to love, but He called me to love Him more. I refocused my healing toward my relationship with Jesus. He was the lifelong companion I already had—Jesus was already in my boat.
As I battled my thoughts, I found comfort in God’s love, found in His very words for me.
When I may say I am rejected, God assures me that I am chosen.
“But even before I was born, God chose and called me by his marvelous grace.”
Galatians 1:15
When I lack hope in my future, the Bible says that although I didn’t choose Jesus, he chose and appointed me to go and produce lasting fruit—a fulfilling future.
“You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce a lasting fruit, so that the father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name, this is my command: Love each other.”
John 15:16
When I may say I am not enough, God says that I am his masterpiece.
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”
Ephesians 2:10
When I may say I am alone, Jesus calls me his friend.
“I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. No you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.”
John 15:15
When I say that no one understands me, God says He knows me and my every thought. That He is with me wherever I go - when I get up or lie down. God tells me He will never leave me.
“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand. I can never escape from your Spirit!”
Psalm 139:1-6
That’s the kind of companionship I truly longed for—a relationship that would last a lifetime...
And yet, when I slow down enough to see, God has surpassed even that desire. He has offered me an eternal commitment with him, one that will truly last forever and forever.
The love God offers isn’t like the romantic, passion-filled love I once thought was the highest form of love.
God’s love exists on a plane that cannot be easily explained—it surrounds us.
God loves by clothing the fields with flowers and bringing a new day after each night.
God loves by feeding the birds and sending rain to nourish the earth.
God loves by calling Himself our Father, by inviting us to ask him for what we need and what we desire in His name, and by His willingness to give.
We cannot out give God or surpass His generosity. He is our greatest friend and companion, and He loves us. This understanding unravels my once-narrow view of love, expanding it from the idea of a single romantic connection to God’s eternal and infinite love.
For those who are truly walking through disappointment and trying to grasp for a reason why a relationship had to end, I give you this hope: God has taught me and renewed my mind in this process.
I can thank God for my healing and now I can look back with sober respect at the brother in Christ I was with. To not objectify him and as I move forward, to not objectify others I may date, but instead, to carefully consider God’s ultimate plan for our lives and adopting an eternal mindset.
Below are a few resources I have been reading that are helping me along this journey: Ben Stuart, Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age.
Also, a video by Ben Stuart
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